Volume 2, Issue 15

not-a-gun


3 New Saints of the People’s Republic

by Ken West

Just the other day, Pope Francis canonized two icons of the Catholic Church. Good men, no doubt. But Saints? We’ll leave that up to you to decide. Meanwhile …

Let’s move on to the subject of this most Holy Post. In the ecumenical spirit of these times, allow me, your humble servant, to boldly suggest not two, but THREE home grown candidates for Sainthood (…although there is some controversy about one of them) —

Representative Nancy Pelosi, Senator Harry Reid and President Barack Obama. They are perfect examples of Saintly behavior. They work only for the benefit of the American people (and whoever else sneaks into the country).
 
“Sainthood” for Pelosi, Reid, and Obama has a nice ring to it. All three are Democrats. All three sponsored the Holy Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, which we affectionately call Obamacare. All three didn’t bother to read it. (That’s for us poor slobs in the trenches of business and industry to worry about.) But, let us continue …

Pelosi, Reid, and Obama are consummate altruists, caring only for our welfare (and their crony capitalist benefactors who work night and day to make the country safe from real competition). These three candidates for Sainthood have earned our respect and admiration for their incredible ability to pull the wool over our eyes. (Well, at least some of us.)
 
They epitomize respect for human fallibility, unreasonableness, and downright stupidity. For these reasons (hell, who needs reasons) and in the interest of political correctness, let us now engage in some nonsensical obliteration of reality, and declare for all the world to see (including Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-il, and the Ayatollah Hassan Rohani) that Barack Obama, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi are hereby Canonized as Saints of the People’s Republic of America.

As Saints in the Holy Pantheon of failed statists, they are due the respect of anyone willing to ignore reality, and anyone else who feels like it. So …

Get down on your knees, bow your heads, and say after me, “Saint Barack, Saint Reid, and Saint Pelosi, pray for us and grant us the power to ignore reality as effortlessly as you three. Amen.”

News Flash > > > Saint Reid is preparing a Pilgrimage to the Nevada grazing grounds (recently in the news) to invite his Chinese acolytes to come on down and have a look at some prime real estate.