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Telemarketing for Uncle Sam and Joe Biden

Last updated on April 19, 2021

Imagine being able to cancel your U.S. citizenship as you would a magazine subscription.

Uncle Sam would need to hire an army of telemarketers to deliver a sales pitch you could not refuse.

This could potentially make a small dent in the national debt.

Let’s see how it might play out…

A phone rings at the John and Joan Doe residence. John picks up the phone and says, “Hello…”

“Mr. Doe, how are you tonight?”

“I’m trying to get supper ready. What do you want?”

“Mr. Doe, this is Ted Friendly, calling on behalf of your Uncle Sam, the Biden Administration, and the entire United States Government.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“Mr. Doe, we understand that you recently canceled your U.S. citizenship.”

“I sure did? I didn’t like paying taxes for just about everything, so I canceled my citizenship.”

“Well, Mr. Doe, on behalf of Uncle Sam and President Biden, we’d like to offer you a free, six-month trial citizenship.”

“What’s the catch?”

“No catch at all, Mr. Doe. If you give us the go-ahead, we’ll even throw in a free one for Mrs. Doe as well.”

“What happens when our six months are up?”

“Mr. Doe, you’ll then be billed for your tiny portion of the national debt. We have an easy payment plan available. And we accept all major credit cards.”

“I just read that the National Debt 23 trillion dollars!”

“That’s true, Mr. Doe, but it’s all going to a good cause.”

“Like what, for instance?”

“A lot of stuff, Mr. Doe, like Infrastructure, Covid relief, helping our Southern neighbors get back on their feet, and offering a helping hand to the new arrivals from across the border.”

“You mean illegal aliens?”

“Mr. Doe, you mustn’t call them that. They’re “Undocumented Immigrants.”

“Well, whatever they are, why should I have to pay for them?”

“This is America, sir… We cater to those in need.”

“What about my family? We’re in need too.”

“That’s why we’re offering you this free 6-month Citizenship deal, Mr. Doe.”

“Well, I don’t know. I’m not sure we’ll have the money in six months.”

“Mr. Doe, may I call you John? Give citizenship a try again. Think of the benefits you’ll receive.”

“Oh!? What are they? They seem to have slipped my mind.”

“First of all, you’ll have an army of politicians, regulators, and bureaucrats working day and night to find better ways to spend your tax dollars. Secondly, you’ll have the satisfaction of helping the rest of the world get back on its feet. Last but not least, you’ll be helping pay your small share of the national debt.”

Joe was silent for a moment, scratching his ear. “I’m just curious. How did the national debt get so huge? And, what’s my share?”

“Um… Mr. Doe, I’m not authorized to discuss that now. But I’m begging you, John, please accept our offer. I can assure you that you won’t regret it.”

“Let me think about it. I need to talk it over with my wife.”

“Certainly, John. I’ll call back in a few days. Would the same time be OK?”

“How about calling later, after we’ve had dinner?”

“No problem. We’ll talk to you then.”

John Doe goes back to preparing supper.

He’s pleased that Uncle Sam and the Biden Administration finally appreciates his situation.

He can’t wait to tell his wife about that six-month free deal.

“Imagine all those bureaucrats, regulators, and politicians working day and night for me,” he thinks to himself as he stirs the overcooked spaghetti sauce.

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